Almost anyone who's ever shared a house could probably tell a story about a bad roommate. While sharing living quarters can save money and create lasting friendships, many renters encounter difficulties in getting along with their housemates. Here are some of the most common issues people face when sharing their living space.
Space Issues
The costs of the house or apartment may be shared by everyone, but it can be difficult if one roommate is constantly having friends over, taking over the living room or the television, and making noise at all hours. For those living on their own for the first time, living with a roommate can be a difficult adjustment, and dealing with a steady stream of strange visitors can make the situation even harder.
Sharing of Personal Items
Few things are more annoying than going to put on the morning coffee and finding that a roommate has finished it off. Or stepping into the shower only to find that somone else has used up the expensive salon shampoo that took half a paycheque to cover. Confronting a housemate about their use of another's personal items can be awkward.
Cleanliness
Some people are messy, some people are neat freaks. Most fall somewhere in between on the spectrum. One of the most common problems roommates face is differences between their level of acceptable cleanliness.
Noise
Just like everyone has a tolerance for mess, everyone has a different tolerance for noise levels. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to get a true sense of what a person will be like to live with until they are actually sharing an apartment or house.
Splitting Expenses
Money is a sticky issue in many relationships and the relationship between roommates is no different. Sometimes it can seem like one person gets stuck being responsible for all the bills, or feels like s/he constantly has to chase down his or her housemates for their share of the bills. This can cause tension and resentment among those sharing the house.
Strategies for Avoiding Roommate Problems
A great many housemate frustrations can be avoided altogether if some ground rules are set up at the beginning of the relationship. These rules can include:
- what items will be shared between the roommates
- storage allocation for each roommate in the kitchen, fridge, and bathroom
- how items that are not to be shared are to be labelled
- who will be responsible for paying the utilities, and when bills are due
- a schedule for doing chores
- limits on or notice given to other roommates about overnight guests and parties
- a schedule for regular "house meetings" to discuss any issues that arise in a timely manner
When Conflict Arises Between Housemates
When two or more people are sharing living space, it's inevitable that some conflict will arise. Here are some suggestions to help resolve disputes:
- Speak calmly and openly, focusing on resolution rather than finger-pointing. If neccessary, meet away from the apartment to discuss the situation on more neutral ground.
- Reacting in a moment of anger often results in both parties saying something that makes the relationship even more strained. Take a "time-out" to cool down and think things through.
- Ask for solutions from other roommates-- how can things be labelled more clearly, or would a communal calendar help others remember when bills are due, and when a family friend is coming to visit?
- If need be, consider bringing in a neutral mediator.
- If all else fails, move!
Getting Even Makes Things Worse
It can be tempting to "get back" at a bad roommate, but rest assured, it won't solve the problem. Rather, it can escalate the situation, making a mismatched housemate into potentially intolerable living conditions. Rather than channelling energy towards revenge, consider looking for ways to solve the problem.
Many people have been driven out of their apartments by a bad roommate, finding that the hassle of moving is nothing in comparison to sharing space with a problem housemate. Planning ahead to solve conflicts before they start can save renters from having to look for a new apartment, or for a new roommate.
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